Pain During Sex: The Complexity of Female Libido
Pain during sex can lead to low levels of libido. The female libido is not as obvious as the male libido, it is subject to multiple hormonal, psychological and emotional factors. Sometimes it is revealed while other times it is hidden, and if it is not nourished it can end up lost in oblivion. Addressing the issue of decreased libido, it is imperative to mention that 40% of women experience pain during penetration and for this reason associate the relationship with something unpleasant and move away from sex.
The vagina is composed of an extremely elastic tissue and therefore the painful condition during penetration is not considered natural. Only with this awareness will it be possible to find the courage to face this limitation without the shame to talk about it and find the right remedies to solve the problem, so as not to deprive ourselves of a great energy resource for us as women and as fuel for a loving partnership agreement.
The first thing to do is to check with your doctor that there are no physiological causes, in fact the presence of irritations or infections can create discomfort or burning during intercourse. Very often, the pain during penetration is only due to haste, the time for deep and loving physical contact is essential to create that space of intimacy where a woman can feel protected and safe in opening completely to the other. For men it is easier, even though they often resort to sex only to relieve stress and the relationship suffers and becomes superficial, but for women, so emotional and sensitive, relaxing and opening up, rediscovering that state of inner softness and letting go, may not be an easy passage in the hectic life of today.
Tension in the Muscles
Each of us has an area of the body where tension and stress accumulates, the shoulders, the lumbar region, the abdomen, even the vagina wall, like any other muscle in the body, can accumulate tension and appear closed and contracted. There is a real muscular disorder of the pelvic floor, called vaginismus, which causes the vaginal muscles to remain constantly contracted. In this case the vagina is impenetrable and even the thought of sex is a cause of discomfort.
The origin of this problem is however almost always of psychological origin or due to a stress condition. Many women have experienced unpleasant, traumatic or even violent sexual experiences, and every time they approach the moment of penetration, a state of psychological contraction does not allow their flower to open and blossom and so they will experience pain during sex.
It is important to know that these are all solvable conditions, and that if you take the responsibility to deal with the emotional issues from which they originate, you can transform the trauma that has always blocked your energy into one of your strengths, one of immense resource. If it seems to you that dealing with traumatic memories alone is too big a business, ask for help from a therapist who can help you unravel the entanglement of your unconscious experience. Find the courage to open the pot and look inside, when you have done it you will feel much freer and lighter, vital.
Pain during Sex: A Cultural Legacy
The education received from parents greatly influences the ability of a woman to open and live sex in a healthy way, free from shame. A subtle thread unites every woman with the female family lineage behind her, whether we want it or not a part of the unconscious attitudes are inherited by the homologous parent, especially with regard to sexuality and the sense of modesty. It is not so long that the woman has gained the freedom to feel pleasure, only a couple of generations ago, since childhood they were educated in the annihilation of deep drives and sexual desire.
This is the cultural legacy we have received from our ancestors of past centuries, handed down from mother to daughter from generation to generation. Without wanting to replace any psychological therapy, the ancient practice of vaginal massage (also called Yoni-massage) can be an effective tool to remove emotional blocks and traumatic memories from the tissues of the physical body.
What can be done?
• Yoni Massage is certainly the best tool you have available if you suffer with hypertonic vagina. In recent years the ancient tantric practice of intimate massage has become very fashionable, probably to counteract the “stress of modern life” effect on sexuality. It can be considered in all respects a holistic massage, as eliminating the muscular tensions of the genital area will go a long way to loosen ancient psychic tensions related to sexuality and consequently to bring about a general state of relaxation. But what to do then, if we feel pain during sex?
• Breathing is certainly our best ally, breathing deeply helps us to ease mental tensions and to rediscover the body, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system that allows you to loosen and dilate, enter into a mode of well-being, relaxation, sincere love, gratitude.
• Leave the Expectations Aside: do not judge yourself feeling inadequate, start from a state of acceptance of yourself, you and the varied world of your emotions. If you feel tension while making love, try to welcome everything that comes, from space, breathe in, do not fight, listen to what you want to say. And then let it melt, it’s your great opportunity to turn it into pleasure.
• It cultivates trust: the ability to let oneself go completely, where one abandons every kind of resistance to give oneself completely. This requires a great deal of inner trust and self-confidence, it is not always easy to remain so open because this state makes you vulnerable and sensitive and is sometimes scary.
Only through total abandonment does the body open and our flower opens up ready to welcome, without effort or pain during sex. Only by remaining open and receptive can you best express your feminine essence.
