What Defines a Conscious Relationship?
When one talks about love relationships between human beings, this means opening the cauldron of one of the most complex topics of human nature.
Everyone, or almost everyone, seeks a harmonious and fulfilling relationship, yet the truth is that few manage to maintain this result over time.
This perfect alchemy is something other than what is achieved once and for all. It is actual work in progress. A daily job requires an enormous dose of unconditional love, awareness, and self-analysis. This is especially true if one aspires to an evolutionary relationship. That is, the container in which the two partners–in addition to finding stable emotional nourishment, security, and support–are also on a path of growth: personal growth above all, and then as a couple.
It is straightforward to forget the real reason for being together and use the relationship as a haven, a comfort zone. Slipping into a habit, stagnation, or even worse into mechanisms of manipulation or domination, or bringing into the couple all that series of projections from the family of origin are just some of the ways that the relationship can become distanced from the original intention.
This is almost the norm in ordinary relationships, where this awareness needs to be improved.
We think in the relationship we are just ‘him and her’; instead, we are ‘him, her, his mother and her father.’ Our brain works this way by default; in intimate relationships, we recreate unresolved patterns that we experienced as children or adolescents, repeat the relational models of mom and dad, or work so hard to do precisely the opposite. But that is not freedom either, right?
As we begin to get to know each other, and it is all roses and flowers, each of the two partners has their mask on. One lets out only a glimpse of a part of oneself, keeping the shadows hidden in a bag behind his back.
However, as the relationship takes depth, each partner becomes a mirror for the other, in front of which it is no longer possible to hide that sack of shadows, then the masks fall, and the projection dynamics begin.
Without realizing it, too often, we recreate situations similar to when we were little, of our own doing, because specific traumas have not yet been resolved.
• Why does it always end up the same way?
• Why do I always attract a person who makes me suffer?
• Why do I always have the usual resistance to letting go?
And so on. This list could be very long as the nuances with which specific projections and patterns manifest are infinite.
When one or both partners bring a complex personal history, such as a particularly troubled childhood, or come from a family with very toxic relationships, it may not be easy to unravel the thick skin of the unconscious patterns.
The conscious relationship
Realizing all of this is precisely what characterizes a conscious relationship!
This is not to say it is easy to let go of specific schemes; instead, bringing them into the light of the sun is undoubtedly a critical first step!
It is a daily job that takes the couple’s relationship to another level.
We become accomplices in support of each other on this journey, each towards his interiority and healing, continuing, intentionally, hand in hand.
The union takes on a completely different color; there is no more room for recriminations, accusations, and anger.
There is only one large field of unconditional love where everyone explores oneself and knows one’s shadows with the understanding and love, compassion and support, presence and devotion of the other.
A series of suggested guidelines to undertake this journey as a couple:
• Support your partner. As they become aware of their unresolved patterns and begin to unravel them. No
One works miracles, and this journey is the journey of a lifetime. Much compassion is needed because
Everyone is where they are. Undoing specific knots takes time. Encourage your significant other not to
Rest on your laurels but take a better look at each share of responsibility in what is happening rather
Than pointing fingers at the other. If there is an unresolved relational pattern, rest assured that both have
Their part in this game.
• Communicate lovingly. The partner can point out unhealthy projections for themselves or the couple, which must be done with delicacy and understanding. Making accusations is useless.
Working on this is a fundamental element of this journey.
• Don’t take things personally. It’s part of the process if your love slips into the exact mechanisms, recognize that wounded child or girl who resurfaces, remove yourself from the scene, and be with her with presence and detachment. This way, you will avoid needless suffering and finally be able to support the other effectively.
• Don’t get defensive. Stay centered when your partner points out your projections, be open, leave pride aside, and reflect before bouncing it off and saying something’s not true.
• Get help! It is often a valuable resource to seek a professional or psychological path supported by a third person.
The Family Constellations, for example, are indeed a perfect tool for bringing to light any entanglements that we may have inherited from the family of origin. We learn growing up how to be men and women and how to relate to our parents, whether we like it or not. The Family Constellations help us dissolve any limiting beliefs that we carry around and belong to those who came before us. Only then could we be truly free.
In AumTantraYoga, we have adopted this method of psychological work, which we use continuously in our courses; in the field of relationships, sexuality, and any other sphere of your life that does not flow as you would like.
The following online session will be on Tuesday, 7 February, at 7 pm C.E.T. if you want to participate, write to us: at firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Spiritual Relationship
However, the psychological aspects of a couple are only the first step toward a spiritual relationship.
A psychologically healthy couple is truly the optimal ground for embarking on an even deeper journey to be undertaken together: the spiritual journey.
This can only happen when both partners are interested in the mysteries of existence beyond identification with the ego and the matter. And when there is a deep desire, a soul calling, from both sides to immerse themselves in the spiritual planes of existence.
Then, each one can have their modality: one can dedicate themself to meditation, one to prayer, one to selfless service and voluntary work, one can study sacred texts …. one seeks that type of elevation in sacred music, or simply in deep contact with nature.
Spiritual research such as this is an inner call to which everyone responds consciously.
It is the direction that matters!
Suppose in a couple, one of the two puts all their energy into amassing money and possessions, for example, while the other seeks spiritual realization. In that case, there will be a total lack of compatibility. Different intentions. Different directions.
The spiritual relationship is just as it says, consecrating the union of a couple in search of the Absolute.
Call him God if you believe. Or Great Spirit. Or Cosmic Consciousness.
When this search comes first, then the efforts of the couple are no longer efforts but a standard flow that unites in the communion of this intention. Included in the conscious relationship, sexuality is channeled for this greater purpose. It becomes a moment of such energy that it can open portals to the Immense!
This is Tantra. The perfect union between male and female in the sexual act. Two separate individuals reveal a perception that goes beyond the limits of the self and the ego.
While making love, the couple opens their hearts so much that they become one. Thereby united in the passion of the lower chakras, the love of the heart chakra, and that soul calling through the crown chakra; this couple’s journey takes the conscious relationship to a different level.
Do you want to know more about the path of Tantra?
Download our free
“Guide to the Authentic Path of Tantra” here: https://aumtantrayoga.com/authentic-tantra-new-ebook/