Tantra is a path of spiritual growth that embraces life in all its forms and colors. In this sense, everything we find ourselves experiencing in this earthly existence can become an opportunity to evolve.
Although, ultimately spiritual evolution is extremely individual and personal, the intimate confrontation with another person—that is, the relationship in a couple—can really be an incredible opportunity for growth. Your partner is almost always a mirror with which you are forced to see some unconscious aspects of your being that otherwise would remain hidden.
For this reason, when relationships are intimate and deep, they are an opportunity to grow together. Sometimes it happens that after a long period spent together, different needs begin to manifest. One of the two has a certain need in life, while the other goes in a completely opposite direction. This can happen because despite the love that unites two people and the years spent together, we still remain two separate entities, each with their own rhythms and inner pathways in this flowing river that is existence.
Maybe love is still as alive as ever but life itself decides that the partners’ paths go their separate ways. Then, of course, we can talk about karma, about the fact that a common karma is running out and that, of course, sometimes paths diverge. Then a question arises: are we able to accept this lightly and above all with the right detachment? Love and attachment are not the same! Confusing them, as we are usually taught to do, is one of the greatest limits of human love.
Love free of attachment is, in itself, a path to spiritual growth. You can make being together a real art, and separating an art as well. It’s the art of letting life take its course, in total acceptance and detachment, while remaining deeply present to oneself and to love. Always and in any case with an open heart. Because apart does not mean to stop loving. Love cannot end. Love is a state of being, not a transient emotion. Love is your true nature.
We come together in love, we should leave each other with the same love amplified by all the time spent together, by the gratitude of each day lived in communion, of the beautiful and difficult moments.
When the relationship is dedicated to personal and spiritual growth and evolution, conscious separation is the only way to separate. There is no room for recrimination, anger, hatred and everything that usually happens to couples who break up. There can be pain, of course. After all, for the human psyche, the end of a relationship is like mourning.
Are we able to observe the pain and all the emotions that can accompany the difficult process of a separation without closing the heart? Staying true to love? What are the elements needed to experience this process in the highest way?
A Certain Emotional Maturity
It’s the ability to observe the hurricane of emotions that can be unleashed in these circumstances without being overwhelmed. The practice of meditation can be of great help in this, learning to observe your emotions without identifying with them. Emotions are transient phenomena that flow on the screen of consciousness. You can remain motionless to observe them, aware that you are not that state of mind but the one who observes. You are the witness behind it all.
From a neutral point, you observe the hurricane in a state of pure calm. It does not at all mean denying the emotion itself, nor repressing it. It means recognizing that you are not that, but that center of stillness and peace behind it. This will give you incredible freedom!
No Blame in Conscious Separation
One of the key elements of conscious separation is refraining from blaming your partner for the situation. Pointing the finger at the other is absolutely useless. Everyone has their reasons for how they act. If you find yourself in this circumstance you have 50% responsibility for it, even if it is sometimes difficult to realize it. The human psyche is complex and mostly governed by unconscious tendencies. You are the co-creator of everything that happens to you, whether you want it or not.
It is much more useful to shift the attention towards yourself than to waste time unnecessarily accusing the other. Separating is not easy but for sure you can grow from this experience. Stay centered on your path and leave your ex-partner to his or hers, so you can continue to support each other even now that you are no longer together. In love, always.
Not Holding On
Everything is transitory in this life! Let it go! Nothing is eternal but consciousness. Life itself, this body that is loaned to us, the entire universe with its planets and stars—let alone couple relationships—none of it is forever. Cultivating detachment is the foundation of any spiritual path. This certainly does not mean coldness. On the contrary! You can love with total transport until you dissolve in love, aware that everything ends, that sooner or later death will come. She walks beside us, she is our beloved sister.
Better be friends, go hand in hand with death, the end, the transformation of anything. In tantra, this concept is embodied in the deity Kali, the Goddess who terrifies us with her tongue out, who represents time, death and transformation. She has an ax in one hand to cut off the heads of those who fear her, while with the other hand she offers the nectar of ecstasy to those who are not afraid of it.
Conscious Separation Ritual
Once you have come to the decision to separate your paths, it may be useful to do a little ritual to facilitate the process. You can prepare a small altar with your favorite sacred images, a candle, perhaps an incense. Sit facing each other in front of the altar and take some time to look each other in the eyes, in silence. It is no longer the time for words now; open up to a subtler dimension. Center yourself in the heart, sublimating any trace of anger or resentment to this level.
By breathing together, let any negative emotion be transformed into pure love, acceptance, forgiveness, compassion in the space of the heart. Now bow to each other, in silence cultivating a feeling of gratitude. Take the time to be grateful to life for letting you meet, living a piece of the road together, for better or for worse. Thank each other with love, for everything, without judgment. For everything you have learned in your time together. Simple like this.
Now you are ready to wish each other all the happiness possible for the future to come, sure that your love is simply turning into something different, a friendship, a collaboration (in case there are children or a common project) or whatever other form you want it to take. Put your prayers and your intentions into the hands of a Greater Force, based on your feelings and beliefs. Now the ritual is completed.
49 Days of Aura Separation
After a long period spent together, the feeling of energetic separation may not be immediate. One still feels energetically united even though the decision to separate has been made. In this case, in addition to the separation ritual, it may be useful not to have any contact for 49 days. This is a very powerful symbolic number. No phone calls, no meetings, no phone messages. This is truly the art of conscious separation.
A total detachment of 49 days to separate the energies. After that, you may be ready to turn your love into friendship. Energy detachment is important to avoid painful aftermath or long ordeals of pain. Better not to see each other or feel for a while, as a transitory phase. If this choice is made in a shared and conscious way, it can speed up the process and help both of us to go further. Obviously this is not always applicable in case there are children.
Beyond the suggestions in this ‘guide to conscious separation,’ managing a separation well is a matter of maturity on a personal, emotional and spiritual level. You can learn a lot from these difficult times and draw great strength from them that can support us in the future.
