How to Overcome Shame for Women with a High Sex Drive

Dance with the Goddess: Overcoming Shame for Women with a High Sex Drive

Women, do you love sex? Like, really love it?
Love it so much maybe you feel a little wrong for it?
Sex is wonderful and you are absolutely right for loving it! However, so many women with a high sex drive even now feel shame around loving, enjoying and seeking sex, or fear that they might love it too much.

If this is the case for you, I recommend let’s take a look at the roots of this shame and how to overcome it to enjoy the glorious, powerful, divine sexuality that is the birthright of every woman.


Why the Shame Around Women’s Sexuality?

Even though Western society might seem now more open and sexualized than any culture in history, still every woman who grows up within it inherits shame from an early age. This is something which is still alive in our collective consciousness, and you picked up these imprints no matter how you were raised.

It’s in the movies, in pop music, books, TV, the news and it’s definitely in our “sex ed” classes. Men are the ones who want sex all the time. Boys only ever want one thing, right? Girls should put out (don’t be a prude!) but not too much (don’t be a slut!). We’re supposed to be the ones who would rather just talk, who fake a headache because we don’t feel like making love. We don’t hear about female orgasm in sex ed. The irony here is that women have much stronger sexual energy than men!


Female Vs. Male Sexual Energy: Compatible yet Opposite

In yogic terms, women generally are much stronger in the lower chakras, muladhara and svadisthana, related to vitality and sexuality. We need this extra energy to create new life inside our bodies. When a woman is fully open in her sexuality, it’s the man who has to work to keep up with her. (In fact, the main development for a tantric man is to learn to have a non-ejaculative, implosive orgasm that takes a shape similar to a female orgasm – but more about tantra in a minute.)

Male and female sexual energy do take different forms, for sure. Male energy is more quick, fiery and explosive. Female energy is denser and heavier. It takes longer to get it moving, but once it does…! Think the difference between a stick of dynamite and a freight train.

Many women find themselves wanting more sex than their male partners. And in this situation, before recognizing it as a simple fact and something to grow with in the relationship, that old shame rears its head! “Is there something wrong with me? Why do I feel this way? Am I ‘too much?’”

There’s a reason why history imposed this shame on us. Female sexuality is incredibly powerful, fully capable of disrupting the rigid structures and hierarchies of old patriarchal societies. People within these structures were afraid of it. Religion, especially in the West, was one of the most efficient systems for reinforcing fear and shame around female pleasure.

Most systems of spirituality, although they may transcend religious dogma and prejudices, are at best indifferent to sexual expression. It’s a distraction, a disturbance to avoid and ignore. Look at classical Advaita Vedanta or Theravada Buddhism for a clear demonstration.


Women’s Sexuailty in Tantra

Fortunately, this is not the case in tantra. Tantrics have always valued feminine sexual energy: not just accepted but adored it! In tantra, it is seen as a potent manifestation of Shakti, the universal divine life force that underlies all of creation.
In the female body, the divine energy of the universe is not just an abstract concept but a tangible presence. This body, in all its strangeness and grace, truly is a temple.

“O Lady with beautiful hips!” Abhinavagupta, the greatest master of Kashmir Shaivism, began many of his writings with this exclamation. This “Lady” is the absolute Reality, not different from the formless transcendent aspect of pure Consciousness, but somehow also She is every human woman.

Tantric art, both Hindu and Buddhist, is replete with images of the female body in its full glory. No chaste Virgin Mary’s, fully draped from head to toe, but luscious figures with full breasts, voluptuous hips and wild hair. These aren’t pin-up’s (some of the goddesses are quite frightening!) but a recognition of the sacred power of female sexuality.

The same power and mystery that intimidates some is an incredible gift for an authentic and brave-hearted seeker after the Truth. Female orgasm is wild. It is a formidable force of nature, terrifyingly divine, and a woman who is in connection with her own sexual potential is likewise a force to be reckoned with. Sexual tantra is then a path to the Divine that doesn’t color within the lines, doesn’t run alongside the boundaries of conventional society but blows past all limitations.


From Shame to Bliss

So how to drop old shame and reclaim your sacred sexual power?

  • Love Your Yoni. It all starts with the yoni. If you feel shame around your sexual energy, you probably aren’t comfortable with your vagina either. Spend some time getting to know and love her. When you value this most intimate part of your body, you’ll be able to adore yourself exactly as you are.
  • Be honest in relationship. If you’re in a relationship with a mismatched sex drive, just be open and talk about it. The problem in these situations comes when there’s a lack of communication: one partner ends up feeling like their needs aren’t being met while the other feels pressured and resentful.
    It’s important to be sensitive around this topic, not to make your man feel insufficient, since this is probably a big fear for him – but bringing it out into the open, especially with this understanding of the sexual differences between men and women, will already take the edge off of his insecurity.
     There are lots of solutions for couples with different levels of sexual energy, ranging from work on vitality for him (yoga is great for this), to spicing things up with new games or time apart, to consciously opening the relationship.
  • Practice Tantra: As already mentioned, the tantric teachings are refreshingly welcoming of sexuality and female sexuality in particular. Learning Tantra can bring a deep shift in perspective so you see your strong sexuality as a sacred gift. In tantric yoga, you will also learn to sublimate your sexual energy: move it to the higher chakras where it becomes refined spiritual energy. Again you’ll find a high level of sexual energy to be a blessing here! Take a look at our Tantrik Academy here.
  • Orgasmic Life Course: If you’re interested in exploring your femininity and sexuality, you are welcome to join Amita for her 5-week Orgasmic Life course for women, it’s FREE till July 4th. We’ll learn to connect with the yoni, to heal and release blockages, and unleash the incredible orgasmic potential within each and every one of us. Learn more

When a woman’s sexual bliss is released, it will infuse her entire life with magic and a woman with a high sex drive can finally overcome shame.


Buddha Samantabhadra thangka

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