Tantra

Making peace with each other in the age of #metoo

Making peace with each other in the age of #metoo

Relations between men and women should be a dance, not a battle. So why do interactions between the genders seem so fraught with pain, mistrust and misunderstanding?
Often it feels like we can’t see eye to eye because in fact we are interacting shadow to shadow.
Every human being contains a part of their personality which is conscious – the part that seems to be making decisions – and a part which is unconscious.
The unconscious aspect of the personality (the shadow) is often unacknowledged and difficult to access, but it wields incredible power: much more than the conscious mind! This vast network of patterns and deeply ingrained tendencies is largely responsible for our decisions in life, the way we relate to others and to the world in general.
Carl Jung wrote: “Until the unconscious is made conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate.”
When patterns in our lives seem to be repeating, when we find ourselves stuck again and again in the same situation, it isn’t that the universe is out to get us. It’s just that something in our subconscious is caught in a loop and pushing us to go through the same experience over and over again.
As a species, between men and women, it seems very much like we have been stuck in a loop. Centuries of pain and abuse, violence and victimhood, passed from generation to generation.
Now, at this precise moment in time, we have a chance to break the cycle. What are we going to do with this opportunity?
Of course, change must come from within, one heart at a time. I say this not to diminish the value or necessity of working for broader social change, but simply to acknowledge the basic reality of our human situation, as a vast network of intimately connected but irreducibly unique beings.
It’s this beautiful paradox: we all influence each other deeply, with everything we do, and yet each one of us belongs only to ourselves. We can only ever change ourselves and let the ripples spread out to the world.
The current movement, #MeToo and everything surrounding it, has a bit of the feeling of a forest fire or an earthquake. Powerful, destructive, frightening even, but with the potential to allow for new creation.
Space for new trees. The roots of new mountains.
As tantra practitioners, we are perhaps both the most sensitive to these dynamics and potentially in the best position to cultivate something fresh and positive from all the upheaval.
What the world needs – what men and women need – is not more laws or contracts or punishments.
It needs more understanding. More compassion. More quietness and space where souls can communicate.
Without making excuses or justifying their actions, we can recognize that those who abuse others are also suffering from a wounded sexuality. We can understand, as Ekhart Tolle so beautifully wrote about compassion, that if we were in their place, with their past experiences, their traumas and their conditioning, we would act in exactly the same way.
The world needs healing for the feminine, which has been violated and suppressed for so long. Healing for the masculine, which has suffered just as much from being cut off from sacred Femininity, from being squeezed into a box where often its only way of expression was through violence.
We need to empower masculinity, not cut it down. Make space for that strong, vertical, divine expression of masculinity that is here to protect and uplift, never to cause harm.
Of course we can’t do the work for other people. But we can do it within ourselves, in how we relate to others and especially by shedding light on the dark parts of our own psyche, the places within that are calling out for healing.
When one person is fully illuminated, that radiance shines on everyone.

Is Tantra a path for women?

Is Tantra a path for women?

While teaching tantra workshops around the world, we see clearly that women are leading the way, both in numbers attending our courses and that the men are often come led by their girlfriend’s hand!
However, so many stories of abusive teachers and toxic communities have rocked the tantra world in the last few years.
This can leave many women wondering, is the tantric path right for me?
Tantra was historically one of the spiritual paths most open to women, one of the few that was truly accepting and honoring of feminine power.
Unlike most organized religion and spiritual disciplines in ancient India (and around the world), tantric teachings were not restricted by caste or gender. The prerequisites instead were integrity, spiritual maturity and authentic aspiration.
In fact, tantra was not just open to women but depended on them.
It is thought that some of the roots of tantra lie in ancient cults of the Divine Feminine. Perhaps as an inheritance from those days, in many tantric lineages women were the initiators, the ones passing down teachings and empowerments through the generations.
Many core elements of tantric practice are very well suited to feminine practitioners, perhaps more so than the cold austerities of Vedanta or other ascetic traditions.
Tantra is a path of energy, of life, of an intimate connection to the elements all around us and within us. It is a path of devotion. It is a path to reaching enlightenment through the senses and the joy of embodiment, embracing beauty, color and multiplicity.
In tantra, the world is Shakti. Everything around us is the Goddess, in Her thousands of faces, and the tantric road to transcendence runs through a direct encounter with the sacred archetypes of femininity. It is a path that loves, honors and adores femininity.
And not just one model of femininity, like that old Christian reverence for the Virgin Mary. Among the tantric Goddesses we find images of beauty, sweetness and joy, but also terrifying power. Shakti takes the form of mother, lover, virgin, seductress, warrior, queen, widow…
So as a woman with a calling to explore tantra, how can you be sure you’re in a safe and authentic path?

  • Look for traditional teachings. Some modernization and adaptation to Western minds is fine and often very necessary, but the heart of the teachings should come from tradition. Spiritual wisdom passed down for centuries is generally more trustworthy than something that someone made up two years ago based on his or her ego, without knowing where it might end up.
    Authentic tantra, it’s important to note, is not only about sex! Sex is just one (very powerful) tool tantrikas use to attain spiritual realization. If you’re hearing only about orgasms and nothing about transcendence, you’ve landed in the realm of neo-tantra.
  • Spend time getting to know the teacher. In Tibetan Buddhism, the old recommendation was to spend 12 years with a teacher before fully accepting him (but then, you’d commit 100%!). Few of us have that much time to spare, but still, take your time before throwing your heart and soul into it. And just as important…
  • Get to know the community. Talk to other students, learn what attracted them to this path or this teacher, and how they feel they’ve changed. Ask yourself, do I want to become like the people who have been a long time around this teacher?
    Study with woman teachers or couples. Of course, this isn’t to say that all male tantra teachers are abusive, but female teachers are often more conscious and committed to creating a safe and protective space.
  • Check if the teacher sees female students as students or as women. It’s natural that men and women are given different advice along the tantric path, but if the only answer a teacher has for his female students’ issues is, “have more sex,” something is wrong.
  • Last but definitely not least, be clear with yourself. You need to know where your own boundaries are and have the self-assurance to stand up for them if they’re crossed. Your heart will tell you if you’re in the right place, you just have to listen.
    Tantra often takes practitioners to the edge of their comfort zone. This is good – it brings fast evolution – but you have to be sure this is what you want. Only when you trust yourself, you can trust the process.

Real tantra will never involve abuse. It will never leave anyone traumatized. There can be challenges along the way, but at the end it’s only love.
Tantric women, let’s hear from you! Do you have any advice for sisters just starting on the path?

The Sacred Yoni in Traditional Tantra

The Sacred Yoni in Traditional Tantra

“Yoni” is the Sanskrit word for the vagina. Also meaning “source” or “origin,” the warm syllables carry with them an overtone of reverence.
In English, by contrast, all the words we have for female genitalia are either derogatory or coldly clinical. It’s hard to even speak about our own intimate parts without shame, feeling like we are talking about something dirty or obscene.
Most religions instill a deep shame around s*xuality, especially female s*xuality. Just look at the “cautionary tale” of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, lured out of paradise by the temptation of a snake and forbidden fruit!
Western society has lived with this paradigm for a long time, but we lose something very precious when we give up our reverence for the yoni.
Rejecting sexuality is rejecting life. Losing touch with our innate power, we become confined to the narrow limits of what we can control and grasp with the rational mind.
Fortunately, authentic spirituality doesn’t have to stay within these confines. The tantric path – a world-embracing, life-affirming path – also embraces and honors the yoni as the center of femininity and creative power, a physical manifestation of the Goddess within the female body.
Traditional tantra is replete with images and symbols of the yoni – often in union with its counterpart, the lingam.
*THE SHIVALINGAM. One of the most famous symbols in mainstream Hinduism as well as tantra, the two elements of the Shiva lingam clearly represent the lingam and yoni: the union of feminine and masculine principles. The base (yoni) is round, the shape of perfection and completion, with an opening to pour out grace. The pillar (lingam) rises out of the center, like pure consciousness rising out of the manifestation and yet at the same time abiding as its essence.
*YANTRAS. Every aspect of the Goddess has a yantra, a geometrical expression of Her form. These yantras always contain at least one downward-pointing triangle, representing the yoni. (The famous Sri Yantra, for example, includes four upward triangles for the Masculine and five downward triangles for the Feminine, together embracing the entirety of existence.) This abstract image of the yoni becomes a source of tremendous power.
*THE SANSKRIT ALPHABET. The Sanskrit alphabet, with its 16 vowels and 33 consonants, is not just beautiful but sacred. In classical tantra, it was a spiritual practice simply to chant the sequence of phonemes, each one considered a mantra. The 16 vowels of the Sanskrit alphabet were referred to as “bija” (“seed”), while the consonants were called “yoni-s.” The vowels in language are like consciousness in the universe: the breath of life, yet formless and meaningless without the 33 consonants that allow that bija to take shape and manifest its presence within time and space.
*TIBETAN RITUALS. In every Tibetan puja, the lama performing the ritual holds two powerful sacred objects: a dorje (stylized representation of a diamond or thunderbolt) and a bell. The dorje is a symbol of the lingam, while the bell, with its empty inner space and clear vibrations, represents the cosmic yoni.
For tantrikas, the yoni does not only give birth to babies. When its sacred dimension is recognized, through the yoni we can give birth to enlightened consciousness. It is a portal through which we can access the heart of the world, and a gateway to bring the highest sacred reality into the mundane.
As women on the spiritual path, the first step is to release the shame around our yonis. No matter how supportive and liberal our upbringing was, most of us are carrying this shame subconsciously on some level, simply from exposure to a collective cultural consciousness that is still afraid of feminine power.
We can learn to relate to our yonis in a whole new way. We can learn to see its incredible beauty, to marvel at its complexity, intelligence and mystery. With this openness and sense of wonder, we begin to give space for the Goddess to speak to us through our own bodies.

Tantra and Homosexuality: The art of sacred intimacy in the homosexual couple

Tantra and Homosexuality: The art of sacred intimacy in the homosexual couple

During our seminars around the world, we often meet homosexuals, both men and women, who ask us if it is possible to apply the principles of tantric sexuality even between two partners of the same gender. To meet this need, we have undertaken research in the context of the ancient tantric tradition but, neither in ancient texts nor in consulting with various masters, we have found references to homosexual sexuality in Tantrism.
Despite this, we have used our experience as yoga and tantra teachers to draw up some guidelines that are also perfectly applicable to homosexual couples.
First of all, we must make it clear that sexual energy is born from the energetic attraction between a masculine and a feminine polarity – Yin and Yang, solar and lunar – which are attracted to each other throughout the universe, from the level of atom to the most complex life forms.
The spark that ignites the sexual charge is nothing else but an electricity generated by male and female polarity.
This is a universal law, like the force of gravity, and cannot be questioned.
It is clear that masculine and feminine are present in each of us, either expressed or in latent form. You can be born in a woman’s body and manifest this energy outside while keeping your masculine side latent, or vice versa. The factors that determine which polarity we naturally express are manifold, linked to our relationship with parents and to education, to social culture, to what we experience in life and probably also linked to karma. What cannot be denied is that both polarities, male and female, are contained in the psychic apparatus of each of us.
Even in homosexual sexuality, the spark is born between a masculine and a feminine energy. This is an inescapable universal law. If there were no such polarity, there would be no fuse that frees this powerful energy which is sexuality.
It is clear that if there is sexual attraction between two men or two women, one of the partners is expressing his feminine aspect and the other the masculine.
Not being a homosexual, I asked many gay friends to tell me about their experience and I discovered that this kind of polarity in homosexual couples can be constant or alternating during the relationship.
Returning to tantric sexuality, a clarification is needed above all for couples of men:
The main foundation of tantric sexuality is the sublimation of sexual energy towards the high chakras, preventing it from being wasted externally with ejaculation.
When a man learns to implode his orgasm instead of exploding it outward, all this energy is channeled into the spine, leading to high states of consciousness as in meditation and prayer. A true spiritual experience!
Containing seminal force requires great control, a certain familiarity in maneuvering one’s own energy and often requires real training on the part of man.
Women in this are more fortunate, as the internal female orgasm is by nature implosive. The energy is freed towards the high chakras without great effort. All that a woman must learn is the ability to totally abandon herself to this experience to liberate its power to the maximum.
When a man makes love with a woman, when she frees all this force that implodes upwards, he can ride the wave and climb with her imploding orgasm. A true alchemical miracle. Man, through the woman’s internal orgasm, can experience orgasmic experiences that involve not only the genital area but the whole body, where the energy rises along the column activating the upper chakra. A great expansion experience!
Surely even in sexuality among men, it is possible to reach such levels and avoid exploding energy outward with ejaculation (this leads to a drastic drop in vital energy and a sense of exhaustion) but this requires a capacity for even stronger energy control.
Also in the masculine body there is an implosive erogenous point positioned in the prostate area and which is stimulated with anal penetration. It is called “point P” and is the equivalent of the G-spot in the woman, being able to release an implosive orgasmic energy even for men.
I kept asking my gay friends if they had ever experienced this experience. I discovered that it is not such a common thing, because anal pleasure frees an energy that is very powerful but still dense and heavy. Linked to the Earth element, it is connected to the first chakra and often remains limited to the low chakras. However, this type of deep, oceanic orgasmic “valley” experience may be possible also between two men.
Speaking of homosexual sexuality, in terms of Yin and Yang energy, there is another aspect to be explored. This has been explained by Mantak Chia, contemporary master of Taoist tantra.
He claims that, since the physical body of two men are still predominantly loaded with Yang energy (with an emissive characteristic), they could undergo an imbalance of this energy. This can lead to a continuous sense of dissatisfaction: sex is never enough, and an excessive need to ejaculate which could lead to the exhaustion of vital energy.
Often, in fact, in male gay environments, sexuality can become really extreme and promiscuous. (Obviously not always! We are talking about people with little awareness of their own energy and guided mainly by animal instincts).
In his books, Mantak Chia provides specific advice for homosexual men, practices to absorb Yin energy to balance the excess of Yang. I report some of them:
• Expose the genital area to the moonlight, full of Yin energy, without clothing of course, to absorb the lunar energy (Yin).
• Create a small hole in the earth and lie down on your stomach putting the penis inside, absorbing the Yin energy of the earth
• Occasionally invite a woman for a three-way tantric ritual (if there is such open-mindedness of both partners, of course).
In the case of homosexuality among women, Mantak Chia speaks of the opposite situation in which there is an excess of feminine, receptive Yin energy. Two women standing together can experience an excess of passivity that can lead to long-term apathy. Frequently two women will end up being together as sisters and sexuality may not be very vital. Obviously, based on the personal predisposition of both women, this cannot be a fixed rule. Following are some practices to balance the Yang energy:
• Allow sunlight to enter the vagina and absorb the Yang energy.
• Extended use of penetration during sexual intercourse between two women, with the help of special tool.
• Occasionally invite a man for a three-person tantric ritual (only if it is lived in a pleasant and harmonious way).
With this I hope I have explored the subject in a complete and politically correct way, without having offended anyone’s sensitivity. For me, love is the only thing that matters, in any form and colors.
My intent is to bring more energy awareness in the field of sexuality but my love and my respect goes to any human being in the same form, regardless of identification with one gender or another.
The human being is wonderful precisely because of its diversity. From everyone there is something to learn and I am open to your comments and your sharing.
Amita – AumTantraYoga

Ethical sexual behavior in Tantra

Ethical sexual behavior in Tantra

The responsibility of teaching tantra and the question of “open relationships”

Teaching tantra is no simple job. Contributing to spread this ancient knowledge that has led to the liberation so many human beings over the centuries must be considered a real mission.
This requires exemplary preparation, both theoretical and in the direct experience of what is taught, with a complete integration of this knowledge into one’s life.
It is necessary to specify that it is not possible to separate tantra from yoga, as the first is considered a branch of the second.
In the last decade, with the boom of yoga in the West, the oriental holistic disciplines have become very fashionable but, often, they have lost the depth of the teachings. Instead, for the most part they have become yet another entertainment for the Western mind always in search of new stimuli. Yoga has become a gymnastics and tantra is a very fashionable thing to improve intimacy, exchange massages or indulge in the pleasures of the body and s*ex.
Tantra is a spiritual path that aims at the recognition of the Supreme Self in each of us.
Tantra is the search for God in the most intimate part of ourselves.
Nothing less than that!
Only by maintaining this approach it will be possible to avoid losing the depth of this ancient spiritual path. On the other hand, it is true that, by taking the path of Red Tantra, which includes the practical use of s*exual energy to access the Divinity that is in each of us, s*exuality becomes something never experienced before, opening up to unimaginable levels of pleasure.
It is also true that, in this journey, partners can find an intimacy so profound and sincere as it is unlikely between two people in bed. But until the two lovers drop the illusion of their identity to become One with the everything, merging into the Supreme Source from which everything derives, it cannot be called tantra.
Along the tantric path, due to the integration of s*exuality as an important human aspect, strong morality and correct behavior are absolutely essential.
S*exuality is one of the most integral aspects of the human being but, for this reason, it is also the most sensitive. It can be the source of the most powerful energy, recharging and regenerating all aspects of our being and our life, or a huge obstacle that blocks the free flow of energy and stifles our human potential.
S*exuality can create the strongest attachments and cloud the lucid vision of the mind and discernment, leading to conduct that does not respect oneself and others.
A tantra teacher must constantly check the purity of the intent and make sure that he/she does not use tantra and the role of the teacher for personal purposes and s*exual gain.
Creating a safe energy space is a primary responsibility of the tantra teacher.
Due to millennia of repressive culture, many women still have difficulties in navigating in the sphere of their own s*exuality.
A high number of women who was abused, often very early in life, approach tantra in search of healing.
This sacred approach can really be a great resource in this case. Experiencing that there are many men willing to honor the body of a woman like a Goddess is already a great healing in itself.
Despite this, these students may feel very vulnerable in the circumstance of a tantra workshop. The teacher has the responsibility to create a safe space where they feel protected and supported.
Many girls idealize the teacher and hope to receive help in the process of freeing their s*exual energy. This could actually happen, as the tantra teacher is an expert, but it is necessary to take very good care to the circumstance.
A girl who is approaching s*exually her tantra teacher out of idealization or projection, most probably can end in some unclear situation which will bring a lot of frustration, jealousy, attachment and pain. It is the responsibility of the teacher to pay attention to this and avoid any unhealthy situation, sometime evaluating that is better to avoid s*exual intercourse with students, for the benefit of the teaching and of the student.
Recently, in different spiritual environments around the world, we have been witness to so many scandals exactly for this reason.
Let’s clarify this: despite what many people think in the modern tantra world, this path does not have to pass necessarily through “open relationships” or promiscuous s*exuality. People often use tantra as an excuse to justify frivolous and shallow behaviors.
You can practice tantra in your long-term relationship as well and this sometimes is even better. By knowing each other so well, the level of intimacy can be really amazing.
Open relationships can be a possibility only if both partners are deeply willing to explore it and no one is suffering. Otherwise this can bring about a lot of difficult emotions to deal with and waste a lot of energy. This is absolutely counterproductive.
Big suffering due to disharmonious relationships can leave traumatic memories in the psychic apparatus that can take years to heal.
Every time, in name of s*exual freedom or the erroneous use of the concept of tantra, suffering is created and also negative karma is created. We do not consider this beneficial for spiritual accomplishment.
Whatever you choose to do in your relationship and in your s*exual life, this is an invitation to be aware not to use the name of tantra as an excuse for dwelling in superficiality and to escape depth and commitment.

The tantric relationship: being together to evolve

The tantric relationship: being together to evolve

The tantric relationship: being together to evolve
16 years together, it seems like an eternity!
In the times in which marriages often end in the third year of living together, our relationship seems like an ancient Egyptian pyramid that resists time and atmospheric phenomena, unwavering and stable. The storm passes, sometimes real cyclones, yet Marco and Amita still come out together. Then the hot, arid desert sun, but Marco and Amita find a way to nurture the foundations of their life together. It’s all true?
Well, of course there were storms, when the hurricanes of the inner turmoil of both of us affected the couple. There have also been certain dry moments, certainly, of those that leave a dry throat.
And yet, even those times when everyone thought we would split, we found a way to rebuild ourselves, to be reborn from our renewed and grown ashes. This is the truth!
It has been certainly not easy, there were times when it seemed impossible to agree on our requirements, so opposite, almost mirror-image.
We both saw our parents suffer as a couple and we had to, in some way, rebuild that inner trust that a man and a woman can be happy together. This has cost a great deal of inner work, individually before that of a couple.
Only when both partners in a love relationship are able to look inward, only when you can bring awareness into the dark shadows that we all carry and turn them into light, then the couple becomes a wonderful tool for growth with two, without fall into mechanisms of projection and manipulation. It takes so much courage!
But it is the only real way to create a solid foundation for the couple that allows the union to survive even in difficult times.
Consecrating the relationship to personal and spiritual growth has always been our philosophy, at the cost of getting out of our comfort zone to face those parts of us that we like the least and that sometimes hurt.
Don’t use the other to feel protected and safe by bury your head in the sand!
Our life together has always been a real “work in progress”, a flow between moments of rest and regeneration and others of great inner work.
This is our recipe and it is also what we want to convey and share through our work, as teachers, where the best version of us comes out!
Marco and Amita

The 7 benefits of the internal orgasm

The 7 benefits of the internal orgasm

If the man had a remote control for pleasure it would have only two buttons, switching on and off, while the remote control for a woman would be equipped with several buttons that vary depending on the emotional state, the moment, the situation etc…  The experience of orgasm in women can be profound and satisfying and leave behind a real sense of contentment and emotional nurturing, while other times it can be a superficial, quick, irritating experience that leaves a sense of frustration.

  • If during the clitoral orgasm the energy is directed outward, dispersing and leaving a state of tiredness and exhaustion, the deep orgasm, in contrast, is a complete experience that involves the whole body. Women who know the internal orgasm, consider the clitoral orgasm only a reduced version of sexual potential, a superficial experience, which despite being very intense leaves behind a trail of frustration and incompleteness.
  • Clitoral orgasm is a male type experience and in the long run can create energy imbalances, Yang energy will suppress that Yin and the woman will become stronger and more in control of everything but not able to let go to the flow of life. With this you do not want to demonize the clitoris and the pleasure that comes from it, but if it becomes the only expression of sexual gratification, it will lead to excess of male energy in the energy field of women.
  • Clitoral orgasm does not require emotional involvement. Vaginal orgasm, on the other hand, is an experience that gives a sense of deep emotional contentment, the musculature of the whole body softens, the breath becomes free and deep, the mind reaches a state of complete relaxation and the heart is open. and full of love. Sigmund Freud himself, the father of psychoanalysis, had sensed that women who experience deep sexual contentment are more relaxed, face life in a relaxed way and are less prone to stress and neurosis.
  • External orgasm involves dispersion of energy outside, just as ejaculation in humans leaves a sense of exhaustion and draining until the energy has returned to normal levels. Vaginal orgasm, on the other hand, does not involve dispersion of energy towards the outside, on the contrary it gives a sense of revitalization, the woman feels energetic, luminous, sensual and is ready to experience another orgasm of greater intensity.
  • The deep vaginal orgasm manifests itself with deep vibrations of the vaginal muscles that rise up to involve the wall of the uterus, they go to massage and soften the tissues bringing more blood and lymph. This involves the elimination of toxins and ensures a greater flow of nutrients going to play an important prevention for cellular health of the uterine wall.
  • Deep orgasm can be an incredible opportunity to get in touch with your authentic female. The woman recovers sensuality, sinuosity and softness, she begins to live well in the body, inside her own skin, to like and appreciate herself as a woman, something opens and blooms, becomes luminous and beautiful, shines with her own light, opening up she finds her own center to give herself to the world with maximum potential.
  • Deep orgasm is no longer a purely physical experience, it involves all levels of women, it is an orgasm that touches the soul. The mind frees itself from every thought to make room for an ocean of inner peace, the boundaries of one’s being expand and the energy field increases, the tantric orgasm is an extraordinary experience that can open to ecstasy. The energy rises to the higher chakras (Ajna and Sahasrara) to open up to mystical experiences of great spiritual transformation. The two lovers can experience states of expansion of consciousness, accompanied by a state of mystical ecstasy where everything is perceived as intimately connected with the whole, and where every illusion of separation between oneself and the rest of the Universe disappears. Tantric orgasm can become an important spiritual experience for both partners.

Amita Helga Albini

Gymnastic for the pleasure

Gymnastic for the pleasure

The perineum area, also referred to as the pelvic floor, is for many women a part of the body that is still a mystery, and given its relationship with sexuality but also urination and defecation, it is often loaded with the sense of modesty and cultural taboos.

The pelvic floor is the muscular area between the anus and the vagina (or the anus and the testicles in the case of men), and consists of a series of muscles intertwined with each other thanks to a reticulated structure, so as to be extremely resistant but flexible at the same time.

In the woman there are three orifices made up of the anus, the vagina and the urethra, and when faced with excessive exertion, the female perineal area is much more vulnerable than that of a man. The function of the pelvic floor, in addition to contributing to sexual pleasure, is to support the abdominal organs and to control the orifices, keeping this part of the body toned but extremely elastic and relaxed contributes to the health of women at all levels.

When the pelvic muscles weakens and loses the right tone, the woman can manifest annoying symptoms such as:
-urinary incontinence (as a result of sneezing, coughing, laughing)
-prominent abdomen (despite the diet the belly does not decrease)
-sexual insensitivity and lack of orgasm
-a sense of heaviness in the lower abdomen
-symptoms of prolapse of the uterus and bladder
-strenuous delivery and post-partum recovery slow and difficult

Unfortunately, these are very common conditions in women of all ages and it would be sufficient to rehabilitate the perineal muscles through specific exercises to recover the right trophism of the muscle fibers and the consequent disappearance of the mentioned annoying symptoms. The basic exercise we are going to learn to counteract the pelvic impairment is the contraction followed by the relaxation of the pubo-coccygeal muscle and neighboring muscles. To easily identify the muscles to contract, try to stop the flow of urine during urination. that’s the muscle to train!

You can repeat the contractions over and over again, always alternating with moments of total relaxation of the muscles. The relaxation phase is as important as the contraction phase in order not to fall into states of fatigue of the delicate intimate muscles. You can perform them lying down, sitting or while doing other activities of the day, such as sitting in the office, it will be your little secret and no one will notice it. The tissues of the vaginal wall and the neck of the uterus will benefit enormously from this exercise because the contraction helps the blood change, the blood loaded with toxins and carbon dioxide is eliminated in large quantities, while new fresh and oxygenated blood will spray the tissues, a breath of fresh air for cellular health.

Last but not least is the effect of the toning gymnastics of the pelvic floor on the sexuality of women. The orgasm, which is the culmination of sexual pleasure, is physically due to a very rapid series of contractions and relaxation of the muscles, many women are unable to experience intense pleasure that leads them to this orgasmic state only because the musculature is not able to contract properly.

This problem of “momentary frigidity” (I want to underline the word “momentary” because every woman is able to expand the ability to feel pleasure until orgasm), can be resolved quickly with exercises focused on the vaginal muscles.

The daily practice of contractions will make your vagina toned, elastic and vital even for women who have given birth or for those no longer very young, the intense pleasure to your partner improves sexuality and therefore intimacy and understanding.

Try it, you’ll see you will not regret it!

Amita Hega Albini

When libido declines

When libido declines

The frantic life of modern society forces us to live at a sustained condition in which the mind is constantly agitated, the brain increases the production of cortisol while decreasing the level of oxytocin (a fundamental hormone for sexual life) creating a vicious circle of stress and tension. The perception of the body decreases considerably, we live too much in the head and little in the body and sexual desire decreases.
The libido is the barometer of the condition of our energy, when we are well, we are vital, relaxed, happy and love increases, while when something hinders the free flow of energy in our being sexuality is the first to be affected.

Completely absorbed by work, the care of children, husband and home, many women forget themselves, forget to take some time for themselves, forget to take care of their interests and dreams. The years pass and the energy begins to fall and a sense of dissatisfaction makes life grey and boring. The drop in libido often tells us of a decline in enthusiasm for life itself.

Sometimes the loss of libido can be caused by a lack of vitality due to fatigue or a health problem. We can consider sexual energy as a luxury of the body, when it cannot afford it because the vital energy meter is in red due to a precarious health condition or tiredness, then nature closes the libido taps so that the system can operate in energy saving mode until the batteries are recharged. When we are too tired we do not want to make love, if we ignore this signal that our body sends us to be affected will be the couple’s understanding as sexuality is the fuel that keeps it vital. Letting this happen without paying attention to it is the best way to let our relationship fade and lose intensity, sometimes in an irrecoverable way. It is much easier to prevent planning a time for a walk in the open air, yoga classes, regular physical activity, if possible a holiday or anything else to help us increase our vital tone. When energy returns, sexual vigor will also reappear with it.

In this regard it is necessary to remind the women who have recently given birth to a child, that during the period of breastfeeding there can often be a decline in desire and that this is a normal physiological phenomenon and not intended as a personal or couple problem. At the base of this phenomenon there is the hormonal balance typical of the lactation phase, in which the testosterone precipitates and instead grow the levels of prolactin, inhibitor of the libido, moreover the decrease of the estrogens can create vaginal dryness making the relationship difficult and annoying. Unfortunately, the new mothers are not always adequately informed by the health system, and with the lack of correct information, the temporary sexual separation of new parents can be experienced with extreme discomfort, especially in cases where breastfeeding lasts a long time, in cases where it is necessary for the health of the child. The woman, on her side, will have the foresight to inform the partner that this hormonal situation is not caused by his will or a lack of interest in the partner, and above all that it will not be permanent but only linked to the months of breastfeeding.

Tantra explains the sexual attraction between two individuals as the attraction of two different energetic charges, namely the masculine (Yang) that we can associate with the positive electric charge, and the female (Yin) negative electric charge. The man is attracted by the woman because she is opposed energetically to himself, the “+” attracts the “-“, and vice versa, and when the two energetic charges meet then the spark occurs, expressed in human nature as sexual desire. In couples who have been together for so many years it may happen that a decline in sexual attraction occurs, the years pass and the intensity of the first moments is replaced by the routine of couple life and in the great majority of cases this happens due to a decline in polarity . By spending so much time together the positive and negative energy pole merge and lose the original energy charge, the feminine is less intense as well as the masculine, the two electric charges lose power and flatten in a median polarity that no longer produces that spark with the same intensity.

To find the right energy polarity and the intensity of the encounter it is necessary to separate often, to allow oneself to miss one another helps reinforce the desire and in reuniting you will regain that emotion of the early times, you return to being sensitive to ‘the smell of the partner to which may not usually the case. After a period of separation every moment together seems magical and intense. Cultivating the polarity between the two partners is the secret of a relationship that remains fresh and vital over time, a real investment for the couple. Only keeping the interest of each other high without ever ceasing to discover the partner, continuing to be fascinated by exploring the changing nature of his being without taking it for granted, without losing the playfulness of the beginning and adoration of the first moments, being grateful every day for his presence in your life, then that plant will become big and strong and will give wonderful flowers.

Another factor that can make the libido inexorably collapse between the couple is to live a constant conflictual climate. When much of the available energy is used to discuss, there is not much left for intimacy, and moreover the tensions create a state of physical and emotional contraction that is not conducive to the cocktail of hormones necessary for love.

Sometimes, even if consciously we are armed with all the good intentions, the dynamics coming from the unconscious can deeply undermine the intimacy of the couple, whether we want it or not in it the same mental structures of the relationship with the parents are involved, so it is practically impossible not to be influenced by them.

Often the couple is the field in which an unsolved outline of the project is projected and for this reason a wonderful opportunity to explore oneself, to avoid facing things so as not to create conflicts by covering it up is not a correct and evolutionary strategy and in the long run creates emotional disastrous distances for intimacy. But falling into the drama of emotions and living a daily newspaper constantly undermined by confrontations and tensions is equally counterproductive. The most constructive attitude is to explore the mechanisms that emerge with your partner, and through loving communication, welcoming and supporting each other in their own passages. Even the worst difficulties can be solved through the acceptance of the other and unconditional love. Some scientific research has established that happy couples are those who, for every difficult and tense moment, manage to recreate at least another five pleasurable moments of intimacy and understanding.

Making love, then, is a real nourishment for the couple, sex keeps the relationship alive and increases physical and psychic closeness, reinforces the sense of belonging and complicity. Keeping sexual passion alive is taking responsibility for one’s relationship in spite of the years that pass, work, children and everything else.

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