The frantic life of modern society forces us to live at a sustained condition in which the mind is constantly agitated, the brain increases the production of cortisol while decreasing the level of oxytocin (a fundamental hormone for sexual life) creating a vicious circle of stress and tension. The perception of the body decreases considerably, we live too much in the head and little in the body and sexual desire decreases.
The libido is the barometer of the condition of our energy, when we are well, we are vital, relaxed, happy and love increases, while when something hinders the free flow of energy in our being sexuality is the first to be affected.
Completely absorbed by work, the care of children, husband and home, many women forget themselves, forget to take some time for themselves, forget to take care of their interests and dreams. The years pass and the energy begins to fall and a sense of dissatisfaction makes life grey and boring. The drop in libido often tells us of a decline in enthusiasm for life itself.
Sometimes the loss of libido can be caused by a lack of vitality due to fatigue or a health problem. We can consider sexual energy as a luxury of the body, when it cannot afford it because the vital energy meter is in red due to a precarious health condition or tiredness, then nature closes the libido taps so that the system can operate in energy saving mode until the batteries are recharged. When we are too tired we do not want to make love, if we ignore this signal that our body sends us to be affected will be the couple’s understanding as sexuality is the fuel that keeps it vital. Letting this happen without paying attention to it is the best way to let our relationship fade and lose intensity, sometimes in an irrecoverable way. It is much easier to prevent planning a time for a walk in the open air, yoga classes, regular physical activity, if possible a holiday or anything else to help us increase our vital tone. When energy returns, sexual vigor will also reappear with it.
In this regard it is necessary to remind the women who have recently given birth to a child, that during the period of breastfeeding there can often be a decline in desire and that this is a normal physiological phenomenon and not intended as a personal or couple problem. At the base of this phenomenon there is the hormonal balance typical of the lactation phase, in which the testosterone precipitates and instead grow the levels of prolactin, inhibitor of the libido, moreover the decrease of the estrogens can create vaginal dryness making the relationship difficult and annoying. Unfortunately, the new mothers are not always adequately informed by the health system, and with the lack of correct information, the temporary sexual separation of new parents can be experienced with extreme discomfort, especially in cases where breastfeeding lasts a long time, in cases where it is necessary for the health of the child. The woman, on her side, will have the foresight to inform the partner that this hormonal situation is not caused by his will or a lack of interest in the partner, and above all that it will not be permanent but only linked to the months of breastfeeding.
Tantra explains the sexual attraction between two individuals as the attraction of two different energetic charges, namely the masculine (Yang) that we can associate with the positive electric charge, and the female (Yin) negative electric charge. The man is attracted by the woman because she is opposed energetically to himself, the “+” attracts the “-“, and vice versa, and when the two energetic charges meet then the spark occurs, expressed in human nature as sexual desire. In couples who have been together for so many years it may happen that a decline in sexual attraction occurs, the years pass and the intensity of the first moments is replaced by the routine of couple life and in the great majority of cases this happens due to a decline in polarity . By spending so much time together the positive and negative energy pole merge and lose the original energy charge, the feminine is less intense as well as the masculine, the two electric charges lose power and flatten in a median polarity that no longer produces that spark with the same intensity.
To find the right energy polarity and the intensity of the encounter it is necessary to separate often, to allow oneself to miss one another helps reinforce the desire and in reuniting you will regain that emotion of the early times, you return to being sensitive to ‘the smell of the partner to which may not usually the case. After a period of separation every moment together seems magical and intense. Cultivating the polarity between the two partners is the secret of a relationship that remains fresh and vital over time, a real investment for the couple. Only keeping the interest of each other high without ever ceasing to discover the partner, continuing to be fascinated by exploring the changing nature of his being without taking it for granted, without losing the playfulness of the beginning and adoration of the first moments, being grateful every day for his presence in your life, then that plant will become big and strong and will give wonderful flowers.
Another factor that can make the libido inexorably collapse between the couple is to live a constant conflictual climate. When much of the available energy is used to discuss, there is not much left for intimacy, and moreover the tensions create a state of physical and emotional contraction that is not conducive to the cocktail of hormones necessary for love.
Sometimes, even if consciously we are armed with all the good intentions, the dynamics coming from the unconscious can deeply undermine the intimacy of the couple, whether we want it or not in it the same mental structures of the relationship with the parents are involved, so it is practically impossible not to be influenced by them.
Often the couple is the field in which an unsolved outline of the project is projected and for this reason a wonderful opportunity to explore oneself, to avoid facing things so as not to create conflicts by covering it up is not a correct and evolutionary strategy and in the long run creates emotional disastrous distances for intimacy. But falling into the drama of emotions and living a daily newspaper constantly undermined by confrontations and tensions is equally counterproductive. The most constructive attitude is to explore the mechanisms that emerge with your partner, and through loving communication, welcoming and supporting each other in their own passages. Even the worst difficulties can be solved through the acceptance of the other and unconditional love. Some scientific research has established that happy couples are those who, for every difficult and tense moment, manage to recreate at least another five pleasurable moments of intimacy and understanding.
Making love, then, is a real nourishment for the couple, sex keeps the relationship alive and increases physical and psychic closeness, reinforces the sense of belonging and complicity. Keeping sexual passion alive is taking responsibility for one’s relationship in spite of the years that pass, work, children and everything else.